if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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