i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Houston, we have a blender
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
