Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
