True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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