If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
