I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
