I will die if light touches me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
