My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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