Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
