Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
