i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
