and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
