yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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