Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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