I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
