I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
