You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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