dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
