her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
why is half of my head shaved?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
