the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
