God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
