problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
