he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
