can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
