but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
