I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
