32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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