my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
