we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
