If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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