I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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