his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
