And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
