when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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