I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
