He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
