Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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