Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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