If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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