i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
ok first of all what the fuck
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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