If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
