you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize