but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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