I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
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I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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