What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
