Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
