I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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