he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
