ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
