Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
