You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
