Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
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I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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