I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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