I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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