the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
