Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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