From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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