I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
