We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
