one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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