It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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