My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
